they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
