Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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