Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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