Me too!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
