Who did Billy Mays play for?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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