ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Randomize
