who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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