My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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