I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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