I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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