the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
