either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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