He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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