i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
