He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
