YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
