Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
