got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
