Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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