i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
