Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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