his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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