Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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