I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
