for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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