I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
