Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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