So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
