I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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