when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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