i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
