i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
