Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
