I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
