Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
