it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
