i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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