i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
