Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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