Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
