Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
