I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
