I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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