My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
