marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Randomize
