I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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