ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
