i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
