the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
