You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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