Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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